I’ve been feeling fat again lately. There are tons of companies saying “It’s almost bikini season, buy our diet plan and slim down for summer!” and trying to make money off me.
I also have my dance shows coming up in June, and I’m feeling lots of self-applied pressure to not look like an “adult” dancer. My skills are solid, my flexibility is great, but I’m still overweight. I feel like my body brings my performance down.
I need a little something to prevent me from diving head first into a diet plan.
Here is what I think will happen if I lose weight.
. I will be able to buy and wear whatever clothes I want.
. I will prance around in a bikini all the time, singing about how awesome summer is and how much I love life.
. I will be happy and confident like the women in U Weight Loss commercials.
. I will suddenly be an amazing dancer, and will be asked to join our elite performance troupe. I’ll also be given solos in the shows, and my own training time.
. I’ll feel like my boyfriend thinks I’m attractive again.
Here is what will actually happen if I lose weight.
. There will still going to be lots of clothes I can’t buy. Either because I can’t afford more clothes, or because they’re just not flattering on my very busty figure.
. I will go to the beach once or twice this year, and I’ll feel more comfortable in my altered tankini than a bikini, so I’ll wear that. I’ll feel self conscious for a little while, then realize nobody is looking at me, so I’ll relax and have fun. Don’t need a bikini for that.
. I will be happy and confident sporadically, just like I am now. It doesn’t matter how much weight I lose, I will never be skinny enough to be happy with my body.
. I might have an easier time with some skills during dance, because I would have less weight to move around. But I won’t be asked to join the elite performance troupe, and I won’t be given solos or my own training time, because I am just not at that level.
. I’ll still feel like my boyfriend thinks I’m unattractive.
So … my life would be exactly the same, I would just be 10 lbs lighter.
Is it worth the daily mental gymnastics of dieting? Is it worth putting my fragile self esteem on the line again? It is worth the physical effort?
No. It’s not.
Does it mean I won’t find myself on another diet plan in a week?
I hate life.
Just kidding, I don’t actually.
But I do hate my brain’s relationship with food and diets. I have written several posts to remind that DIETS. ARE. NOT. GOOD. FOR. MY. MENTAL. HEALTH. But I still seem to end up dieting and overexercising a few days later.
Does anyone have some tips to stay off the dieting train?